Ye ole D-bags: Robert Kardashian

Rob and hoe

I didn’t want to have to do this, because I love the Kardashians. In fact, I fancied Rob at one point; the quiet amongst the storm of K’s. The younger brother with a careful heart, who was in love with his girlfriend.

Then he cheated on her.

I can forgive that. Everyone makes mistakes. But then things got weird. Remember the episode where he talks about his “nickname” to stepdad Bruce? Let me refresh your memory.

“You know what they call me, right?”

“What’s that?”

“Young slay.”

“I thought they called you tiny penis?”

Let’s stop there. Young Slay? Oh, HOW original, Rob. I haven’t heard 17,000 other men here in LA refer to themselves (embarrassingly) as a woman slayer, but I’m glad to you know you’re poking random women with your disco stick and, furthermore, proudly announcing it to the universe a) on your TV show and b) with an idiotic nickname.

Remember that time he got a chick pregnant? I feel like he’s been in the limelight enough to know to wrap it up. I mean, let’s get real here: the guy has zero jobs (no, semi-managing Beach Girl 5 doesn’t count). He has a college degree and is spending the day scratching himself, eating Doritos and playing Halo. Real ambitious, Rob. Oh yeah, and he doesn’t live with his parents anymore! He lives with his sister and her husband. Upgrade!

 I’m sure the family has said it enough, but is anyone attracted to this guy other than the fact that his sisters are all Kardashians?  I am not remotely close to being attracted to him, anymore at least. Hey, maybe he’ll pull his head out and start making his own life, but it seems that he lacks determination it seems… the standard when it comes to being filthy rich. Some of the children may grow up with drive and perseverance; one will probably be left in the dust, since they have been handed everything their entire life. Sad, really. Actually, the really sad part is that after years of not doing anything for themselves, the one time they decide to do something mediocre, everyone applauds them for it.

However, none of the aforementioned things compare when it comes to the hideous display of douchbaggery on his Twitter account:

Verbatim: “Getting a mani/pedi at my crib. Yes I just said that. I get it done once a week. A Woman doesn’t want dirty fingers in her mouth. ROSS!”

Okay. No idea what the Ross reference is, but so help me God — if my little brother ever posted this on Twitter… I would put an immediate end to this idiocracy. Probably by breaking a few of his fingers. “A woman doesn’t want dirty fingers in her mouth?” Filthy, Rob. Just filthy. What a moron.

So Rob, here’s your RSA. Pull yourself together, stop living off your family’s coattails and act like a man. To men everywhere: women need a man they feel secure and safe with. If a man is living off his parents (or whoever) and seems to have no agenda of his own, it’s not looking sunny for the future.

Update: Rob has been confirmed for Dancing with the Stars. Given his current work ethic, I can’t foresee him moving forward in the competition. Maybe Nancy Grace will give him a good tongue lashing to whip him into shape.

Update 2: Rob apparently is going on the show to lose weight. He’s now over 200 pounds. Hmm. I haven’t seen him in awhile, so I never really noticed. He also said, “My mom basically forced me to do this show.” Sounds like a champion!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s