My love don’t cost “a thing”… it costs everything

You know when you’re just meant to be somewhere? I was meant to be at the 11:00 service at Bel Air Presbyterian.

Before I jump into why I was supposed to be there, I should probably start with the resounding theme of this past week. The term that keeps popping up everywhere? “Single.” As in, I am single. NEWSFLASH: I am single. I am loving it. Now and again I’m like, “You know what? It would be cool to have a date and butterflies and the ‘spark’ and all that jazz,” but right now I’m okay with the fact that I can act like a heathen (aka drink and go out and have massive hangovers whenever I want)(get your minds out of the gutter) and not answer to anyone. Now, some of you reading may be like, “Well, Kirbie, you are single. So that isn’t something that should be out of the ordinary, or a surprise.” And it’s not. But for whatever reason, conversations this week pointed at my “single-dom” a lot more than usual.

I have never been someone who has been feeble or terrified of being alone. In fact, I think I thrive when I’m independent. Granted, I love being social and having friends (companions, relationships), but I don’t jump from relationship to relationship, and I tend to go long periods of time without significant others.

So there’s no desperate single chick here. Trust. But there have been several points this week where I thought, “Sheesh. It would be really nice to have someone.” And not just someone, actually — more like someone spectacular. Pastor Mark, on Sunday, talked about how friendships are one souls in two bodies. When you meet someone you have such a strong connection with, you feel blessed to have them in your life. I feel that way with several of my girlfriends. These are women I could be 100% upfront with and regardless of any argument or disagreement we may have, we fulfill each other differently than a significant other could. These relationships are just as important, don’t you think? He talked about having an electric chemistry that surpasses anything sexual or physical or even emotional. It transcends all of those mediums. And while I have that with a few close girlfriends, I sometimes wonder when I’m going to feel that with a man. I would like to feel as giddy as I do about my job with a really great guy.

Now, when has “single” popped up this week? I’ve been filming a special branded content video that depicts “a day in the life of Kirbie,” so to speak. It should be called “Trainwreck Central: My Emotional Life” (just kidding)(I might have cried on camera and talked about strip clubs). Seriously though, it’s my own little reality show (which has to be contained into three minutes). I was followed by a director, a cameraman and a producer for two weeks off and on and I have to hand it over to all of these reality show casts because that stuff gets old real quick, but I loved doing it. And after I called my mom to talk with her, I secretly wanted to have someone else to call.

And then, while grabbing ramen and a snocone with my girlfriend, I discussed how I’m literally the only bridesmaid in an upcoming wedding that isn’t bringing a date, and that I thought all of the bridesmaids would have a huge slumber party in the hotel, except that would be the last thing happening because ALL OF THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS would be with them. And I’m having to spend money on a hotel alone.

Then Mom brought up how we’re all going to Hawaii for Christmas: Dad & Mom, Nick and his girlfriend, Bailey, and then me and whoever I decide to bring. I know this sounds totally pessimistic but I don’t foresee myself having anyone to take (and not just because the Packers play on Christmas and New Year’s Day). I like being solo but there’s so much coming up this year that I’d like to have someone to share it with.

Anyway, at church, Pastor Mark talked about relationships and who our “family” is, and being single. He mentioned how hard it is for us who are single in LA because dating is a disaster. (True.) But he talked about how it’s okay to be alone. Now I have no idea what this life will bring me, but he mentioned that some people are meant to be single. I feel like I am supposed to be alone during this period of my life. I’m happy as a clam, and I don’t have to answer to anyone but myself. It was totally fulfilling to go to church, feeling a little bit of doubt in myself, and then being reaffirmed that there’s absolutely nothing wrong with just being me.

So, in true Mentervention fashion, I have to bring up some idiot that really ticked me off, regarding this topic. I cannot remember this poor imbecile’s name, but we met a few weeks ago at a bar in Santa Monica. I was enjoying a night out with the girls, when he approached us with the oh-so-original “is anyone sitting here?” line. (We let him take a seat.) I can’t remember what he was discussing but the subject of a very attractive gentleman came up between the girls. He noticed and asked me why I hadn’t gone up to the guy and introduced myself.

“Oh, haha, no, I don’t do that.” I shake my head as a “no way.”

Here’s when it gets good. Or bad, in his case:

“So can I ask you how long you’ve been single?”

“Two years.” (For good reason.)

“Okay. Don’t you think you’re single still because you won’t approach a guy?”

Valid. Then again, I don’t approach guys. I’m starting to get irritated. The rest is somewhat blurry, but THEN he says:

“Your girlfriends probably feel sorry for you and wonder why you’re still single.”

False. If my girlfriends cared about me being single, we’d have bigger problems. I’m not some Old Maid. I’m entitled to be single. Hell, Old Maids are entitled to be single too, if that’s their choice. Don’t make me feel bad about myself because I a) didn’t want to jump into a relationship right after I had gotten out of a serious one, b) I don’t approach men at bars AT 12:30 on Friday nights, and c) I am looking for something of substance and not trying to settle for just any dude that asks me on a date. The audacity of this entire comment of his is that he makes it seem like I should be out and about, searching for a man, just because I’m single. Sorry that I have standards and yes, I’m old fashioned, and I don’t approach men. The end.

After going off on him and explaining that he knew absolutely nothing about women (and clearly thought he did since, God forbid, I didn’t have a man to go home to that night), we parted ways. And, if anything, he reaffirmed one thing for me: why I’m choosing not to date anyone… right now. :)

So, voice of reason time! Ladies and Gents: it’s okay to be single. Everyone else may be paired up, but whether you’re choosing to be alone or you’re not, know that having this time for yourself is for a reason. If you just broke up with someone, be still and be alone. It’s for the greater good. If you’ve been alone for awhile and you’re unafraid of opening your heart, be patient! It will happen in due time. And, if you are afraid of loving someone and getting hurt, know that it takes a large amount of sacrifice to open your heart and love someone else. It’s the most courageous thing you can do. Don’t deny yourself the opportunity of bliss and unconditional love, just because you’re scared! Like the title says — love don’t cost “a thing,” it costs everything. Alas, you might not understand why you’re alone right now, but it’s helping to better you for something extraordinary that’s coming down the road, when the time’s right.

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3 thoughts on “My love don’t cost “a thing”… it costs everything

  1. I love your menterventions! I totally needed to read this today. Last week my boyfriend and I broke up and its been pretty difficult on me but I know it was for the best. Most of my friends are married and popping out babies and then there is me. Single. I’m definitely looking forward to this time to grow as an individual and be at peace with myself. Thanks for writing these because they really do put things into perspective and I swear half the time, its like you’re taking the words right out of my mouth.

  2. I don’t understand how you can attempt to write some religiously inspired pep talk and at the same time rant on people and judge them like they are all idiots. You can’t have it both ways. Either you truly believe in the dignity and worth of all of God’s children, despite whatever shortcomings they may have (in your eyes), or everyone is and idiot and a target for you to judge harshly for your ironic amusement.

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